Yet Another Fascinating Adventure

First of all, mowing the lawn is normally John’s chore. However, he twisted his back yesterday while shoveling dirt, so is pretty much a scratch for that job. Yet, this morning he announces that he’s going to go ahead and mow it anyway “because it needs to be done.” I tell him he’s going to do no such thing.

And thus begins our Lawn Mowing Adventure

While John is playing some (stooopid) computer game, with his headphones on, I sneak out and fetch the lawnmower. The neighbor is in his yard and I ask if he could start it for me.  I didn’t want to wear myself out before I even got started!

Yay! The mower is started and I’m on my way! I start on the opposite side of the house so chances of John hearing me over his headphones will be less.

I get the whole side done before here comes The Big Steam-snorting Bull, wanting to know what I’m doing.

What am I DOING???? Well, DUH! Baking a cake?

This is where the really fun part begins, where we play tug-o-war with the lawnmower. Traffic is starting to slow down to “gawk” speed.

John:  I’ll do that!

Me:  Oh NO, my precious, you have a sore back.

John:  Noooo, love of my life, this is MY job. You’re much too dear to me.

Well, at least I’m sure that’s what the gawkers thought, because all this dialog was snarled through clenched teeth, but smiling lips.

Because what we really said was:

John:  (Trying to look authoritative) STOP!!!!!!! GIVE ME THAT!

Me:  (Looking like some crazy wild woman who painted her face bright red) ARE YOU CRAZY!! YOU ALREADY HURT YOUR BACK. NO!

John:  GIVE ME THAT! LET GO OF IT!

Me:  NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! GO IN THE HOUSE!

And so on…

I win.

Then, John, resigned to having to play his stooopid computer game instead of mowing the lawn, says: Okay, have it your way. But it might help if you held onto the OTHER bar, too…the one that propels the wheels.

This is NOT funny.  I’ve literally mowed the whole side with a push mower!

John, smirking, spends the rest of the time following me around.

I’m exhausted, and fading fast, but I am determined to finish this damned job!!

At last, I make my way to the recliner, down a gallon of water, and put my face into the fan. The animals act like they don’t know who I am.

Here comes the best part….John comes in and draws me a diagram of the “easiest” way to mow the lawn!!!!

John:  I’m just trying to make it easier for you next time.

Me:  NEXT TIME????????

I’ve locked him in his room. He’ll be out in time for Thanksgiving.