The woman sat staring at the telephone in her hand, listening to it signal that the call had ended and she should hang up the receiver.

The call was not unexpected; she'd been waiting for it to come for many years, and wondered how she would react when she heard the news her father had died. Sadness? Of course, on some level. But the overriding emotion seemed to be one of relief. Now perhaps she could let go of the feelings that she'd been wearing like a hair shirt.

Now, maybe she would no longer be angry. Angry that she'd waited her whole life to hear the words she needed to hear him say.

Words that never came.

True to her prediction, she did not cry. She knew she wouldn't.  But if she DID cry, it would be tears of regret that her last chance to hear those words just drifted away. Never reaching her soul.

The chance to have the relationship she always craved: loving, warm, the special feeling that bonds so many daughters with their fathers. No. None of that for her.

Not unless you count "pay to the order of" on checks he'd written. He was quite generous with those. Perhaps it's the only way he could show affection? Maybe. 

Let's hold that thought.

We might be able to cling to that idea except for the arrival of the son. Ah yes, the son in whom he had so much pride. The success. The half million dollar house overlooking the bay. A string of letters after his name.

Now THERE was someone to be proud of!

But let's not dwell on that right now.

Back to the phone call.

It's been weeks since word of his death. Still no tears. Time to let it go. Mix it with his ashes and fling them into the Ocean.

You may find it odd, but the woman has nightly conversations with her father, finally finding the strength to tell him how she's felt all these years. How empty, how guilty. Guilty? Yes. Guilty for not living up to expectations that were impossible to fill, no matter how she tried.

Now. Now? She whispers into what may be unhearing ears; doesn't matter. She speaks, and that's what's important. That's the release she's been seeking.

Her message? Don't put off letting those you love know how you feel. Every day. Don't let another day go by. You may assume they already know; be sure. Don't let them feel the way I did.

Just be sure.

So, rest in peace Dad.